Road Trip to Perdition
by Blue Whiplash
Summary: LISTEN PEOPLE, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO READ THIS! Reposted after almost a year, what happens when three aliens, a Paranormal Investigator, and a homicidal maniac all go on a road trip together?
1. The Adventure Begins

Gally's Diary, August 17,2002  
  
ROAD TRIP! I really need to get out of the house, and since there's only a few weeks until skool starts again, now is the time to go. I'm trying to get some friends to go with me. Seeing as how none of them seem to have any parents, there should be no problem. Zim, of course, seeing as how we share a house, and Nny. I wouldn't be able to leave him behind. That would cause me to suffer, and suffering is only good when it's someone else's. I'll bet I can get Dib and Phoenix to come too.  
  
Ja.  
  
Zim's log 08.17.02  
  
What is this 'road trip' of which the Dalzorian speaks? She'd better have a good reason; I'm in the middle of some serious doom-filled plans. But, I suppose.if road trips are something humans do, I should probly attend. Besides, it would give me a chance to get away from the Dib human. Besides- if she is inviting me, then she herself is going! And many things could happen to an alien traveling alone.that settles it then. I will go with them.  
  
Phoenix-chan's Book of Souls-today  
  
Thank the Goddess I have an excuse to leave town. The boredom is crushing me; there's no room to fly in the city! No room to spread your wings.I am so there. 'Specially if Dib is coming.. And Nny, too, but if I even thought about taking Gally's boyfriend she'd kill me. Don't see what's so special about him, though, he's just a human.hehe. Nny and Dib will feel so out of place in an RV filled with aliens.  
  
Mental note: stock up on those protective shield spells. No telling what kind of alien capture technology Dib has.cute as he is, I really wouldn't trust him further than I could throw him-wait, that's actually pretty far. Damn these human sayings; none of them fit a non-human speaker!  
  
Rot.  
  
Dear die-ary:  
  
Ooo, road trip with Gally. It's a good thing the whole wall ordeal is over; I wouldn't be able to go. *sigh* It's so nice to have someone to talk to about things. The therapists don't count. Gally never gives me pills; that's the difference between her and those annoying people. I throw them away anyhow. Plus, you don't hug your therapist, or sneak into her lair to watch her sleep. Not that it's a good idea to sneak into the lair of a dragon, quite the opposite. Still, it provides a challenge, and the goal is worth it.  
  
Folk tales are wrong. Dragons don't smell like brimstone or sulfur, it's more of a metallic, earthy smell. Like bloody earth.  
  
Dib's Journal 17/08  
  
Hmm.a road trip.with three aliens and a homicidal maniac.the aliens would make it worthwhile, but two are dragons.and Nny.I hate these decisions. I could go and be nice, but then Zim would suspect me, and go nuts-and reveal himself! The perfect ploy. But, there is going to be a homicidal maniac.who's kinda nice.or at least not out for me.yet.. damn. Oh! Bingo! I'll just take pictures, and publish them in China or somewhere far away. But Gally is nice.and kinda cute. Maybe I'll just.*yawn*.ls;ajkflddddddddddddddlsa;lsa;ssssssssssssss  
  
Gally's diary, next morning  
  
How sad. I called Dib's house, and Gaz said she found him asleep on his computer. She also mentioned that I was in his journal several times. Hrm. Must think on this. Until then, I guess I have to make preparations for the things we'll need for the trip. Mainly, a mode of transport. Nny says there's an RV rental place near his house. He also volunteered to steal one for us. I told him I'd just pay for it out of my hoard. It's not like I do anything but sleep on it, and rare gold coins are easily re- obtained. I don't really want to do much fore-planning, cuz that would ruin it. I'll just pack sleeping bags and a box of video games and junk. My credit cards will more than cover everything.  
  
Note to self: Hacking into that White House account was the best thing I've ever done.  
  
Zim's log 08.18.02  
  
Gally says we are going to pick up the RV today. I told her that I did not wish to go, on account that the RVs might become hostile. She hugged me and called me a 'funny little squee.' I think I'll scan her for the brain worms later. Sometimes I do not understand what runs through the Dalzorian's mind. More often than not, I do not wish to. I found a sheaf of papers in her lair, labled "Happy Noodle Boy." I could only read very little of it before the nonsense threatened to blow up my mind. Oh, she is calling now. I will write again. Zim o-OWWW! Gir, never do that again! That is not the correct use for a baseball bat!  
  
Phoenix-chan's Book of Souls  
  
Yay! I'm going with Gally and Zim to pick up the RV today. I hope they have black leather seating. Black leather is nice. It feels almost like Gally's scales did when she hatched; all soft and smooth. I was fairly young at the time as well, but I remember her hatching. Which CDs should I bring? I know that Nny likes classical, so I'll bring some Bach and that one Vampire CD he likes. Me an' Gally can listen to anything, so I'll just pack a wide selection, so Zim and Dib can choose. I'm sure Gir will bring his own selection too. Do RVs come with pools on top? I hope so. It's fun to fly over trucks with pools in the back, and then land in the pool while they're still going. There's a great slingshot reaction when they stop suddenly.  
  
Dear die-ary:  
  
Just how many people are going on this trip, anyway? Enough that I should bring some.sedatives? Gally said about three others, but she tends to be rather vague occasionally. I think I shall bring some, just in case. Three aliens, one paranormal investigator, and.well, me.is bound to brew several situations where timeouts are needed. Is anyone bringing Fiz-Whiz? What if they get the wrong kind? I mean, aside from Cherry, there's lots of other flavors out there, and none of them are as tasty as Cherry. I really like Cherry Fiz-Whiz. Maybe I'll bring some chips too. Senior Salsa is good with Fiz-Whiz. But only Cherry Fiz-Whiz. Maybe I should bring a selection of Poop, too. I mean, everyone likes Poop.  
  
Eh! Gally, Phoenix and Zim are waiting at the door. I wonder if they've already bought refreshments..  
  
Dib's journal 18/02  
  
Just as I thought. Neither Dad nor Gaz cares that I'm going away for an indefinite period of time. They never do.*sniff*.just a moment, Gaz calls.  
  
Hm. She found a note in the microwave, one from Dad. It reads, "Dear son. Have a nice trip. When you get back, call the lab and we'll all go out to dinner. Prof. Membrane."  
  
So he did hear me. Well-guess I'd better go pack, then. Phoenix just called to say they're gonna come pick me up this evening, after they pack the RV.  
  
Maybe there is a reason for me to live after all. 


	2. The Adventure REALLY Begins

Gally's diary August 18, 2002-evening  
  
*yawn* Nearly done with the RV. Sorry, can't tell you what it is. Surprises, you know. Chances are good that either Nny or Zim would read it, for all that it's hanging suspended over a pit of doom on a string. They somehow always manage to steal it. Anyway, it's really neato. I had to call in some favors with the Queen of Fae to get it complete. We have to pick up Dib in an hour. Gah. I really need a Freezy. I also need a-a something. I'm not sure. Maybe a lobotomy. Or more therapy. When I think about it though, I like the therapist I have. You can't hug your therapist. Or pretend to sleep when he sneaks into your cave to watch you sleep. I don't think he actually knows that I know he does that though. Hee hee. Secrets are fun.  
  
Zim's log 08.18.02 later  
  
Does the Dalzorian ever sleep? I don't think she's slept in four days. And all afternoon she's been tinkering with the RV beast we acquired, and she wouldn't even let me come in! She's making me pack the snax we purchased, and won't let me eat a bag of chips! The one food I can eat on this planet, and I am denied it. She will face terrible doom for this gross insubordination. Although, to doom her would anger the knife-bearing human, and he hasn't shown himself to be terribly nice to people who do that. I must think on this. Perhaps it is a nice surprise. In that case she shall escape the DOOMY wrath of the MIGHTY ZIM!!  
  
Phoenix-chan's Book of Souls-later today  
  
Oh, I can't wait to pick up Dib. He's going to freak out when he sees what Gally's done with the RV. On the other hand, I've planned out some of the road trip. We HAVE to go past Bodega Bay; it's where Gally and Nny met. And we also have to go past the Grand Canyon. I want Dib to know what it feels like to fly. I am laughing sinisterly now. Me an' Gally have been planning this forever; it's gonna use a lot of our energy. Wow, I'm so excited I've even got Pyris in and uproar. My little Guardian keeps flying in and out of the doorways, with little regard for whoever may be going through them at the time. Oh! Gally's done with the RV! Now, on to Dib's house!  
  
Dear Die-ary:  
  
Finally, we're on our way to pick up the big-headed one. I don't think he likes me much. Oh well, there's plenty of time to bond on road trips. I just hope someone already packed my headphones. I can't find them. I sincerely hope, that for Gir's sake, that he hasn't taken them for his moose again. Last time he did that, they came back dripping in God knows what. Looked like cheese. Steamed like cheese. But it didn't smell like cheese. I don't think it was cheese.  
  
Gally says we can't take the RV to pick him up, so we've got to walk. Ugh. The less time I spend in Reality, the better.  
  
Dib's journal 18/02  
  
Gally says that she and her posse are on their way over to kidnap me. Her exact words. I'm a bit worried mow that they weren't joking. I mean, two dragons, an alien I've been after for three years, and one homicidal maniac. Hm. This bears thinking. I'll call a few of my fellow Agent's to let them know where I'm going, so if I don't show up in three weeks, they'll come out to search for me.  
  
D'oh-they're here now. No time for that idea now. I can hear Gaz letting them in right now, so I'd better get my stuff and go. I hope I come home. Wait. I have to come home. The fait of the world could depend on it!  
  
Gally's diary August 19, 2002  
  
Hehe.I couldn't wait for everyone to see what I did to the RV. When they walked in, all but Phoenix had a heart attack. Or very nearly. Dib was afraid that anything he ate would doom him to live in the Faerie realm. See, in order to put more room in the thing, I altered the doorway to be halfway into the Realm of Faerie. It's a lot smaller than the real world, so everyone has his or her own rooms. Cool, no?  
  
Anyway, now we're on the road. Dib and Zim are sitting at the table playing Stratego. It's pretty even, in terms of score. Phoenix is sleeping on the couch. He scales are showing through, so it looks funny. Like a shiny white human. Nny is driving, giving me some time to write in you and get some sleep, but I slept four days ago. I'm good for another week. He won't tell me where he's going, though. Whenever I ask he gets this sweet look on his face and tells me to just wait.  
  
Zim's log 08.19.02  
  
Argh! That-Dib, annoys me so greatly! Where is he hiding the flag?! That cursed little red flag that causes me so much anguish! On the plus side, he seems to be afraid of the Dalzorian Phoenix. She is resting on the couch across the aisle, and seems to have begun to slip into her Dalzorian form. This has a most interesting effect on Dib. I tried to ask Johnny human where we were going, but he didn't tell me. I fear the worst, but like any brave Invader, I shall face it head on! He seems to have a kink in his neck though. Gally is curled up on a chair in the front with him, and he seems prone to glancing over at her. Whenever he does, the RV beast swerves unpleasantly.  
  
Phoenix-chan's Book of Souls-tomorrow  
  
I think I'll take a nap.*yawn*.the alternate dimension spell is a killer.*unintelligible after that due to liberal amounts of drool on the pages*  
  
Dear die-ary:  
  
I don't Gally's actually asleep. She's still one hundred percent human. I think she's suspicious of my driving skills. I can drive perfectly fine! I hit that hobo on purpose. If he hadn't.pointed that filthy digit at me, he wouldn't be lying in three piles in the middle of the intersection. That was a few hours ago, but the big-headed kid looks like he's still gonna puke. He keeps giving me weird looks over his shoulder, and Zim seems to be getting a kick out of this.  
  
Today started out great, but when we stopped at a rest station, I went to get a Fiz-Whiz from the Fridgy-Boy, and there weren't any cold! I started to yell at the stupid thing, and I was about ready to put it out of its misery, but lucky for it, Zim pointed at the Freezy machine he installed earlier.  
  
That Fridgy-Boy had better watch its back.  
  
Dib's journal 08/19  
  
I don't know why I was so stressed about Zim's plans for world takeover. The guy can't plan worth spit! I've bested him in Stratego 46 times, and he's only won 23. It's easier to read his face than a children's picture book. Still, he doesn't seem to be very upset about this whole thing. He laughs maniacally every time I look at Phoenix. I think she's unconsciously turning into her dragon form, cuz her skin turned white and shiny, like scales, and there's stubs of horn growing from her forehead. If everyone would get off the RV, I could get a picture, and publish it in the next small town we come to. That way, I can remain in everyone's good graces, and still prove to, at least a bunch of winemakers, that aliens really exist. This plan can't fail! But-oh, perfect. I'll stage the plan tonight. 


	3. On the Road Again

No, I don't own anything except Gally and Phoenix. I don't like disclaimers. Bye now.  
  
Gally's diary August 20, 2002  
  
Eww, I wish Dib had told us he was going to be sick. After all the work I did getting the stench of other people's barf out of this Jhonen damned RV, he has to go and add his own mix to the.mix. Eugh. I made him clean it up though, while everyone else, including myself, piled into the local diner. I must say, on their behalf though, that I've never seen a sloppy Joe jump off the plate and run into anyone's lap. Poor Zim.he's going to smell like chili until we get to a place with a laundromat. If he had refrained from pulling a laser out and firing wildly around the diner, we might not have gotten kicked out. Too bad Phoenix missed the whole thing, though. She was still asleep in the RV. That must have been one hell of a spell to knock her out that long.  
  
Well, we're back on the road then, and Dib, at least, seems to be one hundred percent better. He's been in his "room" for the last hour, and we occasionally hear him laughing wildly about proof. Zim's kept his mech- legs ready for running, in case Dib turns on him. Now, that would certainly lighten the mood..  
  
Grr!! Nny still won't tell me where we're going! I have been pestering him literally nonstop-I think only the fact that he knows he'd lose one-on- one has kept him from disemboweling me with the car keys. That and the whole 'going out' thing..  
  
Zim's log 08.20.02  
  
I knew there was something amiss with that human food! It was going to kill me, I knew it! If you had seen the way that food surveyed its surroundings before leaping on my face! Had I not shot it eight times with the laser I always keep, we would be slaves to the Joe. That evil Joe..  
  
We have been heading progressively west. The sky grows dark with the vaporized water clouds. I knew it was a good idea to bring my paste..  
  
Phoenix-chan's Book of Souls-20th, later  
  
*yawn* Nice nap. There was an awful clicking sound that woke me up though. It was persistent, like those annoying holes who bring five cameras to a museum or something. Hm. Ooo.we're almost to the beach! Beach? Look what you made me write, Gaeldrisan!  
  
Later-after Gally left me alone *glare*  
  
Uh-oh.Johnny's gonna kill me.I let the secret out! Oh.I have to go sit on the roof and hide now..  
  
Dear die-ary:  
  
The weather looks cloudy, as usual. We can't sit on the beach and look at the stars then.that's too bad. That's one of our shared interests, Gally and I. It's how we met. Ugh.I don't want to go into flashback mode. Who's to say if I'll ever return to the future?  
  
At least there's one good thing about the beach this time of year. There may be gray whales migrating off Bodega Head. Whales are nice. No whales ever do cruelty to other whales. Orcas eat each other, but that's just what they eat. And they're all rubbery and smooth, free of the cumulating shit that most humans carry on their selves.  
  
I have to go kill Phoenix now. She has revealed our destination to Gaeldrisan.  
  
Dib's journal (I forget what today is)  
  
Yes! The photos came out beautifully! There she sits.my proof, bedecked in shimmering scales of silver, crowned with a tiara of horn stublets.damn. I don't think I can go through with this. It's so tempting, but.they're so beautiful! There's no way I can share these pictures with undeserving journalists! I need to get rid of these. I'll throw them in the ocean when we get there. Nny says we're passing through Peteluma now. I guess that's a town near the coast. Maybe I'll see a mermaid.I wonder if they like to hang out in small fishing bays. I'll use my mail-order mermaid song tape to contact them! Once they hear the sweet melodies of their own voices, nothing will keep them from coming to me!  
  
Gally's diary August 21st  
  
Ooo! We camped last night in the Bodega Dunes campground! I love that place! Me and Phoenix played for hours last night in the sand dunes beyond the sites. I think we scared off some horses though.we were playing tag in our dragon bodies, and this rider came up and screamed. It was funny. I'm not sure if it was cuz we were dragons, or because Phoenix and I were playing tug of war with some sort of squirrel. Those things are evil, I swear it.  
  
Johnny woke me up at 11:30 last night, after the game of tag was over, so we could go watch stars on the beach. There was lots of clouds, so it's didn't really count as stargazing, but we went flying. That was fun. I can't wait to get to the Grand Canyon.I can't wait to see the expression on Nny's face. Maybe he'll take it out on Dib. That would be funny.  
  
Zim's log 08.21.02  
  
Can't write. All I can say is I'm at.the ocean.and must bathe in paste. More later.  
  
Phoenix-Chan's Book of Souls 21st  
  
Yay, we're at the beach! Beach beach beach beach! Me an' Gally were running around playing tag in the dunes, until we scared the.stuff.out of this lady riding a horse. It was all Gally's fault, too. She went and started playing with that jackrabbit squirrel thing, and wouldn't share. It was instinct, I tell ya, instinct. Hehe.watch me babble. I can't help it. I'm a water dragon by nature, so just being at the beach makes me happier than Dib with a camera. We were having lunch at that big cliff place, Bodega Head, and I decided to jump off the edge of the cliff. Of course, I grew my wings before I got even close to the water, but the coloration in Dib's face when I came flying up resembled that nasty, yellowish sea-foam that congeals around rocks. He didn't finish his hot dog.  
  
He seemed like he was really and truly terrified that something had happened. What's going on inside his large head, I wonder.probably some sort of autopsy plans for the resident aliens in the group. At least my little stunt made Nny forget to kill me for revealing the secret.  
  
Mental note. Laugh at something for no reason, and give him something to really worry about. Mentally unstable sea-dragon. I can see the headlines..  
  
Dear Die-ary:  
  
Had lots of fun with Gally last night. We went stargazing, and then just sat and talked about all the good and bad things in the world; a long conversation, to be sure. We went for a flight before the sun rose, early enough for the rays of the cold sun to glance off Gally's scales and terrify some old fishermen. I'll never forget the sensation of flight, even if I go to Hell and back again a thousand times. The wind rushing through you, sanding away the accumulations of filth that come when you live with the humans for too long.  
  
Damn. I'm beginning to sound like that little green alien. Human this, stinkbeast that. At least he's right about those, though. Most humans are pretty filthy.  
  
Phoenix scared the crap out of that little boy Dib today. She dove off the Head to go flying, and I guess the little idiot forgot the whole 'I can fly' thing. He looked like.like soggy cheese. Soggy yellow cheese. It was worth seeing the look on his face though, to let Phoenix live. It was an accident that Gally found out where we were going, after all.  
  
Dib's journal August 21  
  
I thought I had lost my proof today! She leapt off a cliff, and in the confusion of the moment I forgot she wasn't even human! Man, I must be slipping. To forget that an alien is an alien is not like me. That's not a good sign..  
  
My fellow agents would shun me. I took the pictures of Phoenix and threw them into the waves today. No one but those snobbish mermaids will ever know about her. I can't believe they didn't answer my calls..I think someone told Zim about how I looked at the cliff. He's laughing at me now, huddled in blankets on the couch. He's calling me 'cheesy little fool of a human' and other senseless crap like that. Where did he get cheesy? 


	4. Can't Wait to Get on the Road Again

Kay, guys, here's the deal. Aside from the detour to Bodega Bay, the rest of the story is going to generally follow the route I took on my road trip. Sorry this chapter was so long in the making.  
  
************************************  
  
Gally's diary August 22  
  
Well, we've officially left the San Francisco area. Now we're moving down through farm country towards Arizona. We just passed this HUGE pasture filled with cows. It made my mouth water, but it made everyone else a bit nauseous. I guess you just can't please everyone.  
  
Now that my little surprise has been sprung, the planned part of the road trip is taking over. First we're heading down to Prescott Valley in Arizona, and then the next day we're gonna go see the Montezuma cliff dwellings. So today is mostly just driving. Even with the enhanced engine in this RV, it should still be about a twelve hour drive.  
  
Somehow Zim, Dib, and Phoenix got to playing all of those little travel games for money this morning. I'm not sure what exactly their betting system is, but it seems that Zim is a Grand Master Supreme at Travel Rummykub. I guess he's got a good mind for math or something. I think Dib owes him about eight dollars now, and Phoenix owes maybe twenty. She's not the best for gambling. I think the game is not quite interesting enough for her to devote her full attention to it. Dib's been edgy all morning too, and keeps throwing weird looks around, as if someone was going to attack him from behind. Maybe I'll ask about it later.  
  
Zim's log 08.22.02  
  
What a desirable change of landscape from that horrible ocean. Dirt, as far as the eye can see. And I can see plenty far. Just desert now, and sage and yucca. Phoenix taught me the names of the plants after the third time I called them stinkweed shrubs.  
  
Mwaha! I, Zim, am the Lord Of Human Rummykub! AND cribbage, AND one-handed solitaire. The Dib owes me many monies, on account of us playing these games for currency. Phoenix owes many more than Dib, even, so I shall emerge from this trip a millionaire among peasants.  
  
I do not like the way Dib has been acting. Far too humble, frankly, and not nearly enough rot about 'I'll get you yet' and 'just wait till you're on the autopsy table.' In fact, he has paid very little attention to me at all since we left the ocean. Which is desirable in itself, but it makes me strongly suspicious that he's got something else up his skinny little sleeve. More on this thought later.  
  
Phoenix-chan's Book of Souls 22nd  
  
Something's bothering me. Usually I can figure it all out before it gets this demanding, but I'm so disoriented I've lost over twenty dollars to Zim playing those cheap little travel games. Something's wrong in this RV, something is tormenting someone's mind. I just can't figure out who's mind it is, or what they're fretting about. If I were to ask, and I have, I'd get the same answers all around. Fine.  
  
On the other hand, the flying is just great out here. Thermals so powerful rise off the pavement, and I can just soar for the longest time without flapping for altitude. Hot winds sweep off the baked sand, so once I'm airborne I can go straight up into the sky, out of sight to whoever might care. After I lost my twenty third dollar to Zim, I left the RV and just flew along over it for about an hour.  
  
We've managed to rig up a chair on top of the RV, so that one of our non- flying party can sit up there and pretend they ARE flying. Dib came up on top soon after I went flying, and he's actually still up there now. Maybe the wind blew him off. Ha. I laugh.  
  
Dear Die-ary:  
  
I think I should stop calling you die-ary. Not much has died since that hobo on day one, and not much before that anyway.  
  
Gally has been driving for the past couple of hours, except when she took an hour or so off to eat and write in her journal. I told her to let me take over some of the driving, but she just snorted and said Of course not, you look like the living dead. Go take a nap. So here I am, sulking in my cabin, and ignoring her orders. Other than that, all goes well. I picked up this tabloid in a gas station just outside of Barstow, and I actually found a picture taken by Dib. Haven't shown him yet though. It's not a bad shot of a Faerie, but if he gets any praise I think it might swell up his head even more than normal. 'Sides, he's on top of the RV.  
  
Dib's Journal August 22  
  
I don't THINK anything is wrong, but it seems like there's a missing key to this trip so far. I mean, those pictures are as good as gone. No one's going to find them now; water damage alone would have ruined the film, and I highly doubt any one could have possibly found them. The water around Bodega Head is pretty rough; you'd have to be supernatural to get them back.  
  
Still, I feel uneasy. And to top it off, I owe that damned Zim eight dollars. 


End file.
